So I would have assumed this was a no brainer...

.. but before I tell you what it is, let's all have a deep intake of breath as I say... Swimsuits. 


Ugh. 

Is there anything on the planet more tedious to buy?  Actually having said that, you can throw bras and gym kit into the ring if we're talking about dullarama things to buy, but if we're talking purely the depressing aspect of tedious, jeans come a close second but nope, swimsuit shopping sucks.  Big time.

And to make matters worse, I fear that this is the year I will have to throw in the towel on the bikini.  Maybe if I were jetting off somewhere super warm and wouldn't be chasing after children and a dog ie Mauritius with kids club on tap therefore affording me the opportunity to lie on my sunbed and not have to move.   But I have officially got to the age where moving in a bikini is a Bad Idea.  Nothing quite moves together anymore.  There are parts of me that follow in slow motion - mostly my muffin which does the mexican wave as I walk.  Hence I'm waving the white flag, admitting defeat and have decided a one piece swimsuit is the way forward. 

Especially as this year, we shall be spending two separate weeks on the Suffolk coast and a one piece will be far more useful than a bikini.  Primarily as I spend the majority of the time sitting on a beach watching small people in the sea so a one piece and a pair of shorts, with a lovely top to throw on afterwards to either go to the pub or get coffee and cake is the ideal solution. 

I absolutely know that I'm not the only person who has this sort of holiday - whether it be here in the UK or anywhere for that matter - and I'm certainly not the only person who has said sayonara to the bikini. 

Therefore I would have assumed that a one piece, with detachable straps as no one wants marks, is a no brainer?

Well.  To be fair, there are lots of print and colour options around but I'm after black.  I would love a white one but I am fake tan queen and throw a white swimsuit into the mix and that is nothing but a recipe for disaster. 

So black it shall be and when I was out looking for dog blankets the other day in Matalan (found amazing ones by the way, if anyone is interested....), I saw a pretty darn fabulous one.

Perhaps the fact that it's sold out at Matalan bar in a size 8 (and if you're a size 8, you're probably skipping around the beach in a bikini held together with dental floss) is evidence of the fact that a bandeau bikini with detachable straps is a really really good idea.  You want the support for when you're moving about but when sitting still you don't want to get tan marks.  Surely that's an obvious?  

Bandeau Swimsuit £18






Now I want plain black (yup getttig fussier by the minute) But clearly that's just me..... I am going to carry on looking but in the meantime, I may have to suck it up and go for a colour. 

Ok so when I say *colour*, closest I would get to that would be black and white (which I appreciate doesn't remotely fit the criteria.)  Not sure about spot though.... and alas, I don't think my boobs are big enough to fill these cups.

Underwired Swimsuit from Next in black and white spot £22



Also available in a cobalt... again I'm not sure if this is me. 



More colour at M&S - maybe I just need to get with the colour programme......love this one (but I just want it in black)  And don't forget there's 20% off at M&S until the 25th May (and off everything) with the code MAY15EM. 

Secret Slimming Ruched Bandeau Swimsuit £28





If we're talking flattering though, I think this one would win top marks.  Again, whether or not you could have it bandeau style without the whole lot rolling down and ending up round your waist (not entirely the look I had in mind.... ), I'm not sure. 

Monochrome Swimsuit from Next £25



Now this is black but I didn't particularly want a disco swimsuit (is it that hard to make a plain black swimsuit?  Well, apparently so...).  And again, I am slightly concerned about the whole lot ravelling down by my navel on standing up.... I don't even have any boobs to hold the darn thing up.  

Pour Moi Shimmer bandeau swimsuit £40




Could I stand tiny tiny marks in this one as it's so sweet?  Plus I'm liking the secret slimming bum lifting aspect.....  Not sure if you could take the straps down on this one or the whole lot might fall down with them. 

Secret Slimming Textured Colour Block Swimsuit £35 from M&S 




Truth be told though, if I were going to break my white cherry, then I think it would definitely be for the Topshop Ruched Spot Swimsuit .. .which admittedly I would prefer without the spots.  But I was way too slow on the uptake and that one is long gone.   

Ruched Spot Bikini £36



Actually this is the one I really like but I fear, being tall, that my nipples would be peaking over the top.  Which is enough to make anyone vomit a tiny bit into their mouths, merely at the thought.  This one looks skimpier than the others for some reason (to be fair, the other Topshop one also looks like it's cut for a 12 yr old.  Sob)  It also says to size up.  Which is a great motivational idea.  Said no-one ever.

Double Scallop Trim Swimsuit £36



However finally - after a couple of hours of research (don't say I never do anything for you... she says having done it purely for herself), I may have come up with a two decent options.  Definitely ones to try first and am looking forward to comparing and contrasting the two.  

Bodysculpt Bandeau Bikini at George at Asda £10 (yes, A TENNER)  They have loads of other colours online.  At this price, I could even get into colour...  Or there's a navy... (which is a colour in my book. *clutching at straws*)




John Lewis Control Bandeau Swimsuit £55





Can we have bets now as to which one will be better?  And we do realise that by me buying one of these, it does mean that it will pour with rain All Summer.  I apologise now... (on the upside, if I can't find one that fits, we will be basking in sunshine from this weekend till mid October) 

Finishing with a couple of outfits from this week.  Not hugely exciting but that's because I have been somewhat busy.  With the new puppy.  Our miniature Australian Labradoodle who has taken up so much of my time (anyone who's ever had a puppy is now nodding their head and sniggering) 

So since I haven't been able to blog for a couple of days, as an apology, here's a peak at her.  And no, this isn't a toy.


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And far less exciting now, the outfits. 

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Navy and white jumper - Whistles
Navy military coat - Zara
Jeans - Zara
White Stan Smiths - adidas
Tan bag - Prada

And then totally cheating as one with the dog as well.  The best accessory ever.

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Logo Tee - Captain Tortue
Pale grey cargo trousers - hush
Black tuxedo blazer - hush
Black oversized buckle sliders - Zara

I am ever so slightly exhausted after my 5am wake ups with the puppy but am over the moon that she is at least sleeping through.  Oh and peeing on a puppy pad. I am the font of all things interesting at the moment.  Not.... 

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CONVERSATION

44 comentarios:

  1. Oh my what a cute dog! My kids want one - let me know how it goes! Sarah

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    1. So far so good - far easier than I thought it was going go be - probably the honeymoon period..!

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  2. Loving your pooch !. I have bought swimwear from asda before and it's been really good . I always find it hard buying swimsuits being rather " long of body " lol

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    1. That's good to know thank you x

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  3. I'm not too sorry my swimsuit days have long since bitten the dust but at least I don't have to faff about and pretend I'm not hairy..haha.. O my, those puppy pics. I for one will never tire of seeing that gorgeous furry bundle. Good work. Puppy pads and crates? It's all different now isn't it? Yay.

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    1. Thank the lord for puppy pads! She's doing so well and about 90% of wees are going on them so we're over the moon!

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  4. Emma over at Littlewood life had a seriously beautiful swimsuit last year. I think that was Top Shop too. Nothing comes near to that one for me. Mind you the body length is always an issue for me also being fairly tall. Can't bring myself to start the search this year. Ha! It's hard work having a puppy isn't it (it does get better). I booked a full week out of my diary to stay at home and get ours house trained. They learn surprisingly quick. Too gorgeous for words x

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    1. That's the TS ones above. It does look lovely on her - gorgeous in fact but I think she's about 10 yrs younger than me and about half my size!

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  5. Oh Kat, you do me make laugh..I love your blog .the vision I had of the Mexican wave muffin is hilarious, and the reason I didn't buy any of the clothes I tried once I saw myself in the changing room mirror..so depressing once it all starts heading south ! You are an amazing writer ,so funny and descriptive..I love your new puppy by the way..adorable

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    1. Oh thank you so so much for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment. xxxxxx Makes it all worthwhile xxxx

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  6. http://www.seafolly.com/swimwear/one-pieces/seafolly-goddess-boyleg-maillot.html Is the one I bought. I have a theory: buy a very good swimsuit that will last you a many seasons and then you'll only have to go through this ordeal 5 or 6 times. Hopefully. Will your cute puppy be a feature from now on? ( yes, please) A Woman And Her Dog...

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    1. No you see because I've fluctuated in shape so much, what I could have worn two years ago, I couldn't wear now! Seafolly or not!! And they're built for ladies with larger breasts - have tried them. SOB (handy though as I just couldn't stand to spend that much on a swimsuit - I just don't get enough wear from it!!!) There may be more photos with the puppy......

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  7. Monsoon have some pretty fabulous black swimsuits, as does River Island. Failing that, I'm all over high waisted bikini bottoms! Hide a multitude of sins

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    1. Haven't thought of looking in either of those places so thank you for the idea. Hmm high waisted bikini bottoms - now there's a thought. But it's what hangs over the top when I sit down that is the worrying aspect!

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  8. Love the puppy! So cute! Would a tankini be any good? It would solve the length problem but probably not the strap problem! Marie

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    1. Now a tankini issue is that it rolls up. I bought one as I thought it would be amazing but when you sit down - oh hello - literally I had a spare tyre of flesh between the top and the bottom. Beyond. Hideous!!

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  9. Never mind the swimsuits, the dog is a super cutie pie!!!

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  10. Omigod! The puppy is just adorable.

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    1. Thank you - we think so too x

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  11. Some of these swimsuits are really nice. It's always a hard thing to buy one that is comfortable and that flatters you. No danger of needing one in Scotland with this weather! Lorraine x

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  12. I'm going to be careful for brussels. Somatodrol I'll appreciate should you proceed this in future. Many other people will probably be benefited from your writing. Thankxhttp://gojivitafacts.com/somatodrol/

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  13. Love the Next and John Lewis ones, but personally I have a drawer full of £10-ish Tesco and Asda swimwear because I don't look after it, and it's all fine. Though not one-pieces cos I'm long in the body too and life's too short for that cheesewire thing!

    Top tip - TKMaxx for gorgeous doggy things. Like the highly practical duck egg blue silk bed I got in a moment of madness. It was lovely for the month it lasted before puppy was copiously sick on it :D

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    1. Already ahead of you on the TK Maxx and Homesense thing for doggy goodies. I have bought so so much from there - LOVE it all.

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  14. Swimsuits are a nightmare... end of story. I need something that doesn't cut my bum in quarters (soft buns anyone?) and as hard as it is to find bikini hipster undies, finding a one piece that doesn't do that is impossible :-(. And btw puppy is such a teddy - cutest!

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    1. It's much more fun to talk about the puppy, isn't it?! I've shelved it for another day - hideous swimsuit issues

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  16. Kat if you carry the dog around on the beach, no one is going to notice that Mexican wave!! xx

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    1. She'll be so much bigger in the summer but I am LOVING your theory!

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  17. Have just ordered the black Asda swimsuit - have been looking for a cheap one for the gym - so will let you know ! Love the puppy but I did my share of 5 am wake-ups with my kids !

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    1. Mine is so long ago now that I've forgotten! We were 7am this morning so fingers crossed that wasn't a one off..!

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  18. OMG the pup is beyond cute, sooooo adorable, bet your children are so happy. We've just survived the puppy stage, major hard work but the effort will pay off.
    Oh yeah swimsuits, like the colour block ones best.

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    1. So far so good and omg the kids are besotted! We are all totally in love with her. xx

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  19. Tankini any good? Just got one from LTS. Thinking less chance of boob slippage as less material to pull them south!

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    1. No it doesn't go south, but the fabric goes north! I had one and found it rolled up so I literally ended up with a ring of flesh in the middle. The worst of both worlds!!

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  20. Kat when you have size 34C/Ds as I do (yes, really, one's a C cup and the other is a D cup - and they are both droopy to boot - am with you on hating bra shopping!) you cannot skimp (pun unintended) on skimpy, cheaper cuts and fabrics. Discovered Seafolly when I used to live in Hong Kong and have never looked back. Although now that we live here in the UK, swimsuit shopping is no longer on my to do list....however if it was, I'd go plain black one piece too...chic and elegant.

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    1. You're absolutely right, it is much easier to go cheap when you have no need for proper scaffolding. But then most of the more expensive ones I find don't work if you have zero boobs. No that's not true, you can buy the ones that are held together with (clearly luxury) dental floss but there is no middle ground!

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  21. Update on Asda swimsuit - it fits, it's fab and it was a tenner - thanks Kat !

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  22. I brought my first one piece in years last year Kat & I'm converted! I think my bikini days are well & truly over apart from on a long hot tropical holiday & it'll be a few years until I have one of those! The pup!!!! Too cute for words!! x

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  23. Reading this a bit late - but I had a Fatface tankini once and it was brilliant - the top was actually long enough that it didn't do the go north thing (I'm long bodied too). So the right tankini might be better. I also like a bikini 'cos it's easier to get on/off in full view. Ignoring the fact that I'm 46.

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