How to dress like a tool in the rain...

.......as demonstrated by me yesterday.  What a completely and utter cock up.  One could be forgiven for thinking I had jetted to the South of France for the day but alas no.  Even though every single day of the week on the weather app on my Iphone was a hideous state of downpour, in my infinite wisdom I thought I'd give April the benefit of the doubt, throw caution to the wind and embrace what should be the start of Spring.  Fool.


Here's what not to wear on a soaking wet Wednesday when you have two school runs to do and it's raining cats and dogs. (in my defence, it wasn't actually raining when I left the house. I may be part moron but I'm not certifiable.  Yet.)


Nude vest - Primark
White linen t-shirt - Zara
Black and white striped cardigan - By Malene Birger
Indigo Baxter jeans - Topshop
Teal/jade/khaki grey leopard print scarf - Marks & Spencer
Gold bee necklace - Alex Monroe
Gold pine cones necklace - NW3 at Hobbs
Rose gold ballet pumps - Zara
Jade bag - Jimmy Choo 

A day when it all went a bit wrong.  It's not often that I feel really uncomfortable in my outfit - occasionally it does happen but I've no qualms about getting changed (hugely shallow alert - I can't be the only one who does this......)  I do, however, draw the line at buying an entirely new outfit when out just because I feel a bit blah.  (as tempted as I may have been, even I'm not a) that shallow or b) that flush).  Partly it was the fact that I was freezing bloody cold, partly it was the fact that I was wearing a cotton knitted cardigan in the pouring rain but mostly it was the fact that my feet and shoes were wet.  Which is one of the most hideous feelings known to man.  Also the fact I looked like a complete (drowned rat stylee) knob.  

I am also now harbouring vicious thoughts towards the bright jade elements of said outfit.  As I may have mentioned, I struggle generally with colour.  I adore wallowing in muddy, dull shades of navy, black, khaki and beige.  I stretch to an as equally uninspiring colour palette of stone, white, nude and cream in the summer.  I have an OCD style complex when it comes to bright colours generally - for years, they've given me the twitch.  I fear that yesterday's escapade may have set my burgeoning relationship with colour back a notch.  Certainly the scarf and (admittedly old) bag have been consigned to the back of the wardrobe for the foreseeable future.  Which is handy, as it looks like (according to my new bible which I study on an hourly basis - the weather iphone thingymajig) that is going to do nothing but pour with rain until at least next Wednesday.  Joy.

Today however, have learnt my lesson.  Pah to anything vaguely seasonal.  I am back to A/W attire with a vengeance.  And I was still cold.  Am off out tonight but refuse to allow the weather to get my down.  Seeing as there is zero point in wearing anything vaguely summery, I have bought myself some new fake tan in an attempt to blow the cobwebs away. As intelligent (ish) as I allegedly am, I occasionally do some exceptionally stupid things (yesterday's outfit being a prime example).  Other randomly moronic past escapades include removing Eastern European weightlifter style tache with Veet, 20 mins before going out.  And therefore having red raw top lip instead, covered in a 2 inch layer of foundation in an attempt to tone it down - not one of my finer beauty moments.  I have a vague recollection of having a last minute fake tan disaster in the past.  But it obviously can't have been "that" bad as I don't remember butt clenching humiliation - so in for a penny, in for a pound, going for the double bubble and am doing last min fake tan with a new, never before used, product.   Photo of Oompa Loompa and Gulliver's love child (in outfit - not to fear, there will certainly certainly be no nudity) to follow tomorrow. 

Thursday 


Stone and black jersey dress - Whistles
Distressed biker jeans - By Malene Birger
Gold bee necklace - Alex Monroe
Leopard print scarf - Louis Vuitton
Black Madonna stud wedge trainers - Ash
Chocolate leather jacket - All Saints
Chestnut battered cross body bag - Campomaggi from Plumo

Despite the horrendous weather I did manage to have a lovely day yesterday shopping.  Buying shoes and a bag for a friend's wedding outfit.   And managed to sneak in a fabulous purchase which i'm going to have as my Lust of the Day as they are going to be my fall back going out trousers of the summer.  I am on a mission to also get them in the nude/blush colour as well.   All hail the return of the cropped trouser.  I am completely sold as a tall person, finally I can buy normal people's trousers as cropped is cropped - an inch or two shorter makes pretty much no difference with most styles.  Yee hah!


hmmm ok admittedly they don't look cropped in that pic but I promise they're cropped in real life.  Well the ones I have are, most certainly on me and they look pretty ok.  From Zara, only a size 12 left online but they have a large selection of similar ones instore. 

Back tomorrow, with hopefully the start of the laborious journey that is the Smart Summer Even Outfit.  Arrrrggggghhhhhhh.  As someone who doesn't really do dresses, this is my annual bete noir.  Actually it's one of two as I also have the same disaster with the Smart Winter Event Outfit.  The latter is somewhat easier as I can encase my legs in the heavenly product that is the opaque tight.  Not so easy in the summer.  Let my battle with the high street commence.........  To wear a dress??  Or to branch out in something else.......


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