So I would have assumed this was a no brainer...

Ugh. 

Is there anything on the planet more tedious to buy?  Actually having said that, you can throw bras and gym kit into the ring if we're talking about dullarama things to buy, but if we're talking purely the depressing aspect of tedious, jeans come a close second but nope, swimsuit shopping sucks.  Big time.

And to make matters worse, I fear that this is the year I will have to throw in the towel on the bikini.  Maybe if I were jetting off somewhere super warm and wouldn't be chasing after children and a dog ie Mauritius with kids club on tap therefore affording me the opportunity to lie on my sunbed and not have to move.   But I have officially got to the age where moving in a bikini is a Bad Idea.  Nothing quite moves together anymore.  There are parts of me that follow in slow motion - mostly my muffin which does the mexican wave as I walk.  Hence I'm waving the white flag, admitting defeat and have decided a one piece swimsuit is the way forward. 

Especially as this year, we shall be spending two separate weeks on the Suffolk coast and a one piece will be far more useful than a bikini.  Primarily as I spend the majority of the time sitting on a beach watching small people in the sea so a one piece and a pair of shorts, with a lovely top to throw on afterwards to either go to the pub or get coffee and cake is the ideal solution. 

I absolutely know that I'm not the only person who has this sort of holiday - whether it be here in the UK or anywhere for that matter - and I'm certainly not the only person who has said sayonara to the bikini. 

Therefore I would have assumed that a one piece, with detachable straps as no one wants marks, is a no brainer?

Well.  To be fair, there are lots of print and colour options around but I'm after black.  I would love a white one but I am fake tan queen and throw a white swimsuit into the mix and that is nothing but a recipe for disaster. 

So black it shall be and when I was out looking for dog blankets the other day in Matalan (found amazing ones by the way, if anyone is interested....), I saw a pretty darn fabulous one.

Perhaps the fact that it's sold out at Matalan bar in a size 8 (and if you're a size 8, you're probably skipping around the beach in a bikini held together with dental floss) is evidence of the fact that a bandeau bikini with detachable straps is a really really good idea.  You want the support for when you're moving about but when sitting still you don't want to get tan marks.  Surely that's an obvious?  

Bandeau Swimsuit £18






Now I want plain black (yup getttig fussier by the minute) But clearly that's just me..... I am going to carry on looking but in the meantime, I may have to suck it up and go for a colour. 

Ok so when I say *colour*, closest I would get to that would be black and white (which I appreciate doesn't remotely fit the criteria.)  Not sure about spot though.... and alas, I don't think my boobs are big enough to fill these cups.

Underwired Swimsuit from Next in black and white spot £22



Also available in a cobalt... again I'm not sure if this is me. 



More colour at M&S - maybe I just need to get with the colour programme......love this one (but I just want it in black)  And don't forget there's 20% off at M&S until the 25th May (and off everything) with the code MAY15EM. 

Secret Slimming Ruched Bandeau Swimsuit £28





If we're talking flattering though, I think this one would win top marks.  Again, whether or not you could have it bandeau style without the whole lot rolling down and ending up round your waist (not entirely the look I had in mind.... ), I'm not sure. 

Monochrome Swimsuit from Next £25



Now this is black but I didn't particularly want a disco swimsuit (is it that hard to make a plain black swimsuit?  Well, apparently so...).  And again, I am slightly concerned about the whole lot ravelling down by my navel on standing up.... I don't even have any boobs to hold the darn thing up.  

Pour Moi Shimmer bandeau swimsuit £40




Could I stand tiny tiny marks in this one as it's so sweet?  Plus I'm liking the secret slimming bum lifting aspect.....  Not sure if you could take the straps down on this one or the whole lot might fall down with them. 

Secret Slimming Textured Colour Block Swimsuit £35 from M&S 




Truth be told though, if I were going to break my white cherry, then I think it would definitely be for the Topshop Ruched Spot Swimsuit .. .which admittedly I would prefer without the spots.  But I was way too slow on the uptake and that one is long gone.   

Ruched Spot Bikini £36



Actually this is the one I really like but I fear, being tall, that my nipples would be peaking over the top.  Which is enough to make anyone vomit a tiny bit into their mouths, merely at the thought.  This one looks skimpier than the others for some reason (to be fair, the other Topshop one also looks like it's cut for a 12 yr old.  Sob)  It also says to size up.  Which is a great motivational idea.  Said no-one ever.

Double Scallop Trim Swimsuit £36



However finally - after a couple of hours of research (don't say I never do anything for you... she says having done it purely for herself), I may have come up with a two decent options.  Definitely ones to try first and am looking forward to comparing and contrasting the two.  

Bodysculpt Bandeau Bikini at George at Asda £10 (yes, A TENNER)  They have loads of other colours online.  At this price, I could even get into colour...  Or there's a navy... (which is a colour in my book. *clutching at straws*)




John Lewis Control Bandeau Swimsuit £55





Can we have bets now as to which one will be better?  And we do realise that by me buying one of these, it does mean that it will pour with rain All Summer.  I apologise now... (on the upside, if I can't find one that fits, we will be basking in sunshine from this weekend till mid October) 

Finishing with a couple of outfits from this week.  Not hugely exciting but that's because I have been somewhat busy.  With the new puppy.  Our miniature Australian Labradoodle who has taken up so much of my time (anyone who's ever had a puppy is now nodding their head and sniggering) 

So since I haven't been able to blog for a couple of days, as an apology, here's a peak at her.  And no, this isn't a toy.