I shall go to the ball...errrr......

but it may well be in my pants..... As I am having not the hugest amount of luck in finding a dress.  I am constantly being told - oh you can wear anything.  Well. I can't.  

Last Saturday I had the most hideous shopping experience known to man.  For a start - a Saturday at a shopping mall.  What on earth was I thinking?  (I was thinking that I had a big function that night and really wanted a new dress to wear - why?  Why would I do that?  A whole week in sneakers has addled my brain.  The DVF that I've had for years was more than adequate in the end.) 

Well the trip was not a success and I have the photographic evidence to prove it.  Feel free to guffaw as loudly as you like .

Starting with the black and white striped dress from Zara on my previous thread that had had such promise.  Didn't deliver on me.  The sandals are undone as they clearly weren't sandals - they were a Krypton factor exercise cunningly disguised as shoes.  Impossible to put on in less than 10 mins.

So I thought - change of tactic needed.  I always go for a straight dress.  RIGHT.  Or WRONG as it turns out.  How about going prom stylee?  In for a penny, in for a pound, I can do this - I shall not be defeated.  A Woman on a Mission.  I think it's a shape that could work on me.  Most 50's styled dresses of this ilk have a higher neckline which works.  They're also structured and with my total lack of waist, the fullness of a skirt could work.  Nothing loose - there needs to be substance to the dress as opposed to a floaty tea dress which makes me look 4 sizes larger than I actually am.  Has me humming "sturdy girl, strength of ten" as I type, just thinking about it. 

The issue I have personally is with dimensions.  I'm not particularly long in the body but even so, I am probably of more generous torso length than most.  And a high waist sitting under the boobs is attractive to no-one.  Ditto the length of a skirt that just about covers the bum.  Shirley Temple springs to mind.  Thank you but no. 

With this in mind, I've been researching and come up with some interesting options.  There may well be photographic evidence to prove that I should live my life in trousers.   Tomorrow I shall be venturing out and trying on. 


FCUK Spring Bloom Flared Shirt Dress   They also do this in an ink version which is irritatingly sold out online.  Whilst I'm sold on the shape, the colour would do me no favours I fear.  Far too demure for my potty mouth.  But it's so so pretty.



Spring Bloom Flared Dress - FCUK again - £89   Think I prefer the shirt version and again the colours aren't me but a great bargain dress. 





Brown Invitation Adeline Dress from Hobbs  I LOVE this.  From the sublime to the ridiculous. Could this be a dressy day dress?  It would be the most fantastic party dress, the jury's out, I'm going to scratch my itch tomorrow and try it on. 



I also think it would be delicious with the matching bag.  Which would be just as lovely on it's own as well. 

Brown Invitation Palace bag 



Havren Japanese Flower dress from John Lewis   This looks much better on the model and with super strappy heels would be great.  A great length by all accounts. 





Havren Daisy Print Dress I actually think this looks a lot better with the belt tied at the back like it is on the pic of just the dress. 






Jaeger Abstract dress in pale pink   I'm not sure why I've put this in, I think it was the blush with the black, I can't remember but it's probably not very me.  I do, however, love the neckline and the tiny cap sleeves.  Needs more pouff on the skirt in my humble opinion. 




Havren Fit and Flare Scallop Dress from John Lewis   Very very classic.




ASOS midi flared dress £25. YES £25. I just can't imagine that this looks as good as it does on the model here.  I may well have to order just to see! 





Untold Dress from House of Fraser £125  With a huge set of bunchy pearls on a necklace (Zara have some fab ones at the mo) and again some fab heels and a clutch - could go all black or could add any sort of colour for a different look) this is a great basic black dress.  It does seem to be quite short though, which unfortunately rules it out for me.



Boutique by Jaeger Maria Dress £170 but 20% off with this month's Instyle till 6th May.  This looks like quite a reasonable length.  With super funky accessories or pared back classic nude add ons, this could perhaps work.  I'm off tomorrow to see if I can find it. 








Hobbs Avilla dress in Navy  £129  This is a random throw in there, but I have a soft spot for this dress. 










Vivienne Westwood Antoinette Dress - reduced now.... £319.50   It's over £300. It's an invisible line in the sand I'm struggling with.  I'm sure it's really short as well... (she says not having an actual clue!) 








And a last floral number from Raoul.  This completely won't be to everyone's taste at all.  But there's something about it which I quite like.  I've seen it in real life and it's a proper contender truth be known.  The print looks rather different close up.  Not so... SO (if that makes sense..!)  I happen to love.  I wouldn't team it with so heavy a bag.  Ok so I've ordered it and will pap on to see what we think. 

Print Raoul Structured pleat dress 





I did want it in navy - I REALLY wanted it in navy but it is literally sold out everywhere in my size - and I'd need a 12 in this.  It may be my mission in life to track it down.  There was one at Neiman Marcus in the sale (Can you believe?!) but when I went to order it, it had gone.  And I found one at Harvey Nichols online and when I went to pay for it, not 10 mins after putting it in my basket, again it had gone.  It's clearly not meant to be and I should just take the whacking great hint and get over myself.  

Ink Raoul Structured pleat dress 



White vest - Cos
Pearly King and Queen jacket - Phase Eight
Distressed indigo real straight jeans - Gap
Black patent ballet pumps - Primark
Black belt - Prada
Secret Garden necklace - Stella & Dot
Fuchsia Roxanne tote - Mulberry




Paisley blouse - Zara
Raspbery skinny Leighs - Topshop
Navy blazer - Zara
Greige suede western style boots - Zara
Grey Cherelle cross body bag - Whistles 
Gold bee necklace - Alex Monroe

Tomorrow the dress shopping continues.  Who wants to bet I come back with shoes and another sob story (but comedy photos)?